mind trap, heart trap

Not exactly having led a charmed life and with a severely limited support network, I often find my thoughts occupied by worries and replays of humiliating, angering, and painful experiences.

Usually, these thoughts and feelings are triggered by a poke from messed up things that are happening in the now. It’s hard to break free of that pain and agitation because one bad thing that happens now is only another thing in a long line of related trials long-since passed. It gives the suffering a sense of endlessness with nothing adequate enough to balance it out.

Every second that I spend hurt and confused by the past, I feel it takes away chunks of time in which I could be writing. I try not to blame myself for the way I feel, disparage my own beliefs, or for the things that have happened to me, but I want to break this cycle. Without help, I wonder if it’s possible.

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